Forever Gone
by brightmelodies
Summary: He closed his eyes and tilted his head forward so that his bangs shadowed his face. "Che. Damn bean sprout." He waited unconsciously for the "It's ALLEN, Ba-Kanda!" that would never come again. Allen's dead and Kanda shows his grief in his own way.
1. Kanda Yuu

He watched impassively from a distance, arms folded across his chest, leaning against a stone pillar, as they brought in the black coffin.

_It was a small coffin, fit for the young boy it carried._

He watched, face unreadable, as the boy's friends ran in, expressions of shock written on their faces. They stood stiff with shock as the black coffin was set down with a dull thud, as if they could not believe it.

_The boy who would never breathe again._

He watched, eyes blank, as the boy's closest friends walked forward haltingly and collapsed beside the coffin. Their expressions were ones of shock, horror, pain, grief, denial.

_The boy who brought such hope into the order._

He closed his eyes and listened to the girl's wails of grief, to the red-head's cries, to the vampire's sobs, to the woman's moans, all calling out the same name. Footsteps sounded and he opened his eyes once more, to watch the science department rush into the great hall and gather around the small black coffin.

_The boy who smiled brightly and always looked forward._

The Chinese supervisor stepped into the hall. As his eyes took in the science department and the exorcists all gathered around a small coffin, a look of unbelieving shock and grief ran over his face. He sank to his knees, looking defeated.

_The boy whose emotions were so strong that he was almost dazzling._

A beam of light shot up from the floor as the ark opened and a yellow-haired man ran out. He glanced around, eyes widening. He staggered over to the supervisor, sinking to his knees, choking out, "K-Komui… is it true? Is he dead? Is…"

"_It is as if, like the light, you are going to fade away."_

"Is… Allen Walker dead?"

_The light was forever gone._

"Allen! Allen!"

"Allen, you can't be dead, you can't be… Allen…"

"Allen…"

"Allen!"

"Walker! _Walker!_"

He closed his eyes and tilted his head forward so that his bangs shadowed his face.

"Che. Damn bean sprout."

He waited unconsciously for the "It's ALLEN, Ba-Kanda!" that would never come…

That would never come again.

Lenalee had thrown herself over the coffin, heaving out huge sobs, calling out Allen's name over and over again. Lavi rested his head on his arms that were crossed on the coffin, denying Allen's death through gritted teeth. Krory sat, leaning his back against the coffin, face raised, tears slipping down his face. Miranda sobbed, grasping her innocence to her chest, begging for Allen's lost time to come back.

There would be no answer to the calls.

"Che. Damn bean sprout."

Kanda grit his teeth, tilting his head further down so that his entire face was hidden.

"I hate people who don't keep their promises."

"_It's okay, Lenalee. I'll come back safe and sound. Don't worry!"_

"Damn, damn bean sprout. Making this place so noisy. Che."

Kanda pushed himself off the wall and walked away from that small, black coffin.

The bean sprout's coffin.

It was so quiet in his room. There were no cries, no wails, no sobs, no voices.

No noise.

Yet he could still hear it all in his head.

He couldn't concentrate.

When his mind finally wandered off, he would find his thoughts on the bean sprout. When he forced himself to think of nothing, he thought of the bean sprout.

Why?

He was Kanda Yuu.

"_People die."_

Kanda Yuu shouldn't care about one exorcist's death.

"_As long as they're human."_

That's all the bean sprout was.

An exorcist. A human.

"Damnit!" Kanda snarled, snapping his eyes open. "Go to hell, you damn beansprout!"

Who was he talking to?

"Che."

The room was silent.

He found himself back in the noisy hall, where a crowd was now gathered. People were silently staring, silently crying, wailing, moaning, calling, whispering.

It was pathetic.

All for that damn bean sprout.

What a waste of time.

Why was he here?

He was Kanda Yuu.

He could give a damn as to whether the bean sprout was dead or alive.

"Che."

Damn bean sprout.

He couldn't go to the kitchens and help himself to soba. Jerry, too, was in the hall, sobbing that he would miss the boy's massive appetite.

He couldn't go to the training rooms. There was no one to train with, and Kanda didn't particularly feel like practicing alone.

He had already tried meditating. That damn bean sprout broke his concentration.

"Fucking bean sprout. You're annoying even when you're dead."

Dead.

The bean sprout was dead.

Kanda leaned against the same column and folded his arms. His bangs once more hid his face.

"Damnit Allen," he could hear Lavi say in a choked voice. "Shit, shit, shit."

He could hear Lenalee cry, "Allen," over and over again.

"Che," Kanda snarled to himself. "It's so noisy. I'll fucking cut you up, bean sprout."

He walked forward, making his way through the people huddled on the floor. He walked past the silent Komui, past the crying Reever, past the sobbing Johnny, past Jerry, past Marie, Nyne, Tiedoll.

He saw Leverrier and stopped, looking at him with lidded eyes in a half-glare half-leer.

"He's dead," Kanda said. "And you're not going to be able to bring him back. No matter how many tests and experiments you do."

He surprised himself when his mouth said, "I won't let you."

Leverrier simply glared at him with stony eyes.

Step by step, he made his way to the coffin, pushing past finders and scientists until he stood at the head of the coffin. Lenalee looked up, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"K-Kanda…"

Lavi looked up, tears dropping from his eye as well.

"Yuu…"

Kanda silently looked down at the small black coffin, at the rose cross that embellished it. He could envision the bean sprout lying beneath the polished wood, in the cushioned velvet, hands folded, looking as if he was sleeping.

Not that he cared.

He stood stiffly, still looking down with a passive expression, suddenly remembering when the bean sprout had stopped him from taking the innocence from the doll, when he had volunteered to stay behind with Kanda in the Noah's room, when the he had taken down the level four akuma using his innocence to move himself when he could no longer move.

"Che. You damn idiot."

He closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again. He turned and walked away, hair sweeping behind him, head bent so that his hair shadowed his face.

Was that a tear running down his face?

He was Kanda Yuu.

He didn't cry.

It was sweat.

No, really.

It was sweat.

He wouldn't cry for the bean sprout… for Allen.

"Che."

His hand went up to wipe it away.

"You damn idiot."

He paused.

"Allen."

He gritted his teeth.

"Che."

* * *

_This sort of just popped up into my head... I know (or at least believe) that Allen most likely will not die... but it was just a thought. _

_Anyways, I hope it wasn't too bad._

Disclaimer: I don't own D . G r a y - M a n


	2. Lavi Bookman

Stop.

Can it be stopped?

The pain.

Stop.

Please, I'm going crazy.

It's unbearable.

The pain_._

_"Hey, Yuu!"_

_"I'll cut you up."_

_"Yuu-chan, what's up?"_

_"If you call me that one more time, I'll kill you."_

_"Yuu! I'm bored. When's Allen coming back?"_

_"The hell would I know. Now DIE."_

Stop.

It hurts.

...It really hurts.

_"Did you hear?"_

_His ears perked up and his eye brightened immediately. He was _bored, _and he needed something to do. Gossip was always fun to listen in on._

_"Allen Walker..."_

_"You're kidding!"_

_"That's impossible..."_

_He strained his ears to hear. What was this about Allen? What had happened? Had he finally kicked the Earl's ass all the way to the godforsaken moon?_

_"...really dead?"_

_He felt his heart skip a beat. They couldn't mean that _Allen_ was dead... so he must have killed the Earl..._

_...Right?_

Stop. Please!

It hurts so much!

...If I say it's not true... you'll come back, right?

...Right?

_"Hey, hang on a second," he said, swiveling in his seat. "What was that about Allen?"_

...If I say you're alive, you'll come back, right?

_"Exorcist-sama... have you not heard?"_

_"Heard what?"_

_The finders glanced at each other nervously._

_"They... they say..." the finder who spoke hesitated._

_He looked questioningly at each face, his green eye trying to scour answers from their expressions._

_"They say... Allen Walker is dead."_

_His stomach dropped. He couldn't believe it. He must have heard them wrong. "Sorry, I didn't hear you right, what did you say?"_

_"Allen Walker... is dead."_

If I tell you you're an idiot for going out and dying and leaving all your friends behind, you'll come back right?

You're an idiot for going out and dying and leaving all your friends behind.

... Why aren't you back?

Stop the pain.

You've always come to the rescue.

Why not now?

Why?

Come back... Allen.

"Allen, you can't be dead, you can't be... Allen!" Lavi whispered. His eye burned with unshed tears that threatened to land on the polished black wood underneath him. "You idiot. You moron. You damn bean sprout. You can't just go and _die._"

He clenched his hand, fingernails digging into the skin until it bled. The pain was nothing compared to the one in his heart, the pain that was ripping him apart.

Beside him, Lenalee sobbed with grief.

"You made Lenalee cry… Come back and apologize," he squeezed his eyes shut. "Allen."

He could hear other people behind him; finders, scientists, Komui, Bak, exorcists. Each voice he heard muttering Allen's name only confirmed that he was gone.

"This is just a really bad joke, isn't it?" He almost laughed. His lips quivered, his eyes burned, his heart thumped erratically. "A bad, bad joke."

_Stop the pain._

A hollow feeling in his chest. A sick feeling in his stomach. A weakness in all the muscles of his body.

A pain in his heart that should never have existed.

_Stop the pain._

His heart – Lavi Bookman's heart – was supposed to be cold, empty, emotionless. Yet Allen had come along and changed all of that… because of Allen, he had changed –

_'Your emotions are so strong, they're almost dazzling.'_

– Because of Allen, Lenalee, Kanda, everyone else… But Allen had started the change.

And now Allen was gone.

_'It's as if, like the light, you are going to fade away.'_

Gone, like many others Lavi had watched die in battles before he had become 'Lavi.'

Just another piece of history.

_Who am I?_

Another dead person in a war.

_I am Lavi, the 49th 'me.'_

Just another person, another 'friend.'

_You can call me Lavi, though there are some who call me 'Junior.' Can I call you bean sprout?_

Just another person who would be forgotten in history…

_I became an exorcist to destroy akuma. Not to kill human beings. _

Another brat in Lavi's life. A brat who had changed 'Lavi,' who had made 'Lavi' into a Bookman failure, who had enabled 'Lavi' to feel pain for the death of a 'friend.'

"Damn you, Allen," Lavi said through gritted teeth. "If you were gonna make me this way… you shouldn't have died."

_Stop._

_Stop the pain._

_I'm going crazy._

_This pain hurts more than any other._

"K-Kanda," he heard Lenalee say. He looked up, and the unshed tears spilled from his eye, blurring Kanda's form.

"Yuu…"

Did he care? Did Kanda Yuu care that Allen was dead? Had Allen changed Kanda, like he had changed Lavi, from an emotionless bastard to one that felt pain?

"Che. You damn idiot. Damn dead bean sprout."

_It's ALLEN, Ba-Kanda!_

Words that would never be said again. Words that were history; words that would only be remembered for as long as those who remembered them were alive. Words that Lavi would remember for the rest of his life.

Words that were said by a bright, white-haired boy who was no longer alive.

_Stop._

_It hurts._

_Please, help._

_…Allen._

_

* * *

_

_Yeah, okay, so another chapter to this... not so greatly written angst story... I used to be able to write really good ones... I wonder where that ability went (or if that's even a good thing)?_

_I just got the idea in my head, sat down to write, and it came out like vomit XP._

_Lots of love to the reviewers and favoriters; it was really quite a shock to see all those messages coming in :)_


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